Sunday, July 1, 2012

Journal Entry 7.1.12 - The Cross

BEADS OF JOY 7-01-12 “Journal Entry - The Cross”
©2012 James Dacey, Jr. OFS

Dear Lord,

This journey is unlike any other I have ever ventured upon; all of my other journeys didn’t have me under the weight of so many crosses, doing all I can to stay alive while moving forward in my life. This journey also represents a turning point in my life. I ask You Lord to please continue to guide and direct me as I move forward, closer and closer to You. You know me better than I know myself and you know where my heart is. Yes I selfishly desire to serve you constantly, and yes there really isn’t anything or anyone in this world or in this life that can capture my heart like you do. But with that all said Lord I openly admit the challenges I face. I have no fear of them, nor will I back down or redirect my intentions or direction. I shall remain loyal to you and consistent in my commitment to you. People in general can disappoint and hurt each other as I know well; You alone Lord loves me, You alone Lord satisfy every possible need and desire I have, I only need You. As this journey home to You begins, I ask that You continue to show me the way, like You always do; I also ask that during this journey, if it be Your will for me, please open many new doors of opportunity to only further serve You in any possible capacity You so see fit for me. I also need more help to stay further away from intentional sin; yes I am weak, but in You Lord, I sustain my purity and You know I only desire You above all things. This world is very deceitful and very misleading, and the evil one has many soldiers to advance on those of us who are weak or worn down. I thank You Lord for always helping me find the strength I need to remain strong and loyal to You.
My Lady it is only Your Divine Son whom I fully trust in; it is only Him whom I rest all my hope in. As you know, your Son alone strengthens me, and He alone is the only one who sustains me through some of the most difficult phases in my life. I know you understand me Mother; as you have watched your Son little by little be beaten and destroyed by those who hated Him; I watch my wife the woman whom I feel God has given me, be beaten and destroyed by the horrible destruction of cancer. Mother like you, my heart burns inside wishing it were me instead taking the blows to the head, me instead taking that poison of chemo to the heart. My insides are so ripped apart seeing her suffer so much, and there is not a thing I can do about it; except lean more and more on your precious Son, and I do.
I willingly take up my cross, for my family, for my friends, for whom ever You Lord so desires me to. My life isn’t simple, my life has many trials and many burdens; none come before You my Lord, not one. But in that, I openly know the ministry of family that You have set before me; and I openly accept that responsibility and I lovingly, gratefully, thankfully embrace it. You Lord will give me the strength I need to move forward, You Lord will give me the love I will most certainly need to move forward in it. I give my every breathe, my every heartbeat to those You have entrusted to me Lord; as You have said to me, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” I to embrace that sentiment to all those around me.
As I joyfully carry my cross, denying myself for the sake of others; know Lord that I will never renege on this promise of commitment, I die to my own desires and wants and needs first, so that everyone else comes before me. For it is in our suffering and the suffering of those I love, that I find you Lord. When I suffer, I seek help and when I seek help I seek ONLY You Lord. That path to You is the path I have to stay on, knowing well that it leads to You. In the end my life don’t need a fancy title, a corner office, all my wildest desires fulfilled. NO, all I need Lord is You. YOU alone fill my heart with so much love, that a mere smile from You to me, fills my heart eternally with such an abundance of love that no lifetime could ever express it, no words can ever explain it, no worldly pleasure can ever match it.
This Journey with You Lord is truly one of the Greatest Journey’s I will embark upon. I pray that it last till the day You call me home. I pray that this focus upon You only intensifies. I pray that You alone continue to capture my thoughts, my attention, and all that I am. My life is a living sacrifice, I Joyfully surrender completely, openly and willingly to You.  I desire NO ONE Lord, Only YOU. I desire to be fully ‘on the ready’ when You call me. I desire to be of service to You 24/7/365. My own health and my own desires mean nothing, whatever You so desire for me, is exactly what I desire Lord.
Your son,
Jimmy (The Rosary Man)