Beads of Joy 07-29-10
How Much Do You Trust?
©2010 James Dacey, Jr. SFO
Today is an absolutely joyful day to celebrate. You know this title was a result of my continual prayer and trust in our Lord. This title was written here over last weekend. And obviously I have been seeking a healing for Chrissy. Well last night was the icing on the cake, with this title and why it was chosen. It should be titled for each of us, "How Much Do I Trust?" That's what it came down to last night. I always pray when I am on the road, sometimes it's the beginning part of my night; others times it's the Rosary in the beginning, music in the middle and prayers on the end, and sometimes it's all night. You know I spend anywheres from 8-10 hours a night driving, so there is a lot of time that needs to be divided, so I can be productive and so I can stay awake. My main focus is the rosary, plus teaching CD's from Archbishop Fulton Sheen, Fr. Corapi, Fr. Larry Richards, Scott Hahn, etc. Plus I have the entire new testament on theatrical style (my original cassettes from 1983). many nights I have listened to the entire new testament. So I try to utilize my time behind the wheel. Yes I have music also and we can't forget how much I enjoy country music. But last night was one night I have to share. My life has been upside-down with Chrissy's illness, as hers has been. All I do, day in and day out, is worry about her, her pain, her suffering, her discomfort. I know I can't do anything to heal her. I do fix all her meals, make the house comfy for her, rub her back and legs, buy whatever she wants or needs. And I pray endlessly every single day, begging God to heal her. Yes I want a miracle. Please know that I do Trust in my Lord.
Well last night was no different than any other, really it wasn't, so I thought. On my way to New Jersey, Kristi started texting me and we chatted for a while. I am so grateful for such good friends who look out for me when I out there hours at a time on the road in the dark. Well last night after we chatted, I thought it would be nice to pray and meditate on the full 20 decade Rosary with my meditation CD's while offering all of it up for Chrissy's healing. I have done this before. It's peaceful, there are reflections for each mystery and music between every five mysteries. Anyhow, after I was done, I started my usually long chat and praise with my Lord. Every single night I beg Him to heal Chrissy. Last night I think I approached it a little differently. I really told Jesus how much I really do trust Him, even though at times it sounds like I have doubts. I explained, which He already knows; that me being with Chrissy all these 24 years, side by side with us going through thick and thin together, that this entire experience was very difficult for me, on a different level. Then all of a sudden I got this completely resting in the Spirit feeling, knowing in my heart and soul that Chrissy was going to be healed. Then I felt these words in my heart, "You will be shocked in a Joyful trusting way." I immediately wrote it down on a piece of paper while driving. So I continued talking with our Lord, now filled with a renewed Joy.
I don't know what this all means. But right after all that,I felt a confirmation saying that there is a ministry right now that is preparing for her. She will experience a miraculous healing and this healing will be for God's glory. I hope I don't sound strange. This is not me talking. This is the overwhelming feeling I had during all these prayers and meditations last night. I also at the end began singing to myself, "Make me a channel of your peace.." I think that's my Franciscan roots helping me deal with this. I feel so much more content now, I can't explain it. I know it's our Lord resting His Spirit in me, I know He knows how much I really do trust Him. Jesus, I trust in You. I pray that prayer every single day, so many times I don't even know the true count. I think our Lord knew I needed to relax more seriously in His love. Rest ashore I am now, pun intended. LOL
Make me a channel
Make me a channel of your peace.
Where there is hatred let me bring your love.
Where there is injury, your pardon, Lord
And where there's doubt, true faith in you.
Oh, Master grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love with all my soul.
Make me a channel of your peace
Where there's despair in life, let me bring hope
Where there is darkness, only light
And where there's sadness, ever joy.
Make me a channel of your peace
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
In giving to all men that we receive
And in dying that we're born to eternal life.
Please Pray, as often as you possibly can:
Jesus, I trust in You
Your brother in Christ Jesus & His Most Blessed Mother,
Jim (The Rosary Man) Dacey Jr SFO