Thursday, September 16, 2010

To Have And To Hold

Beads of Joy 09-16-10
To Have And To Hold©2010 James Dacey, Jr. SFO
Hello Everyone,

Today let us take a look at what so many of us can relate to "jumping off a cliff". Ah so you thought I was going to say "Marriage". Well let's be honest for the most part Marriage in it's raw form, is just like jumping off a cliff. The reality of jumping off a cliff is basically leaping into the unknown. Maybe there is deep enough water below and you survive, or maybe there is an inflated landing mat like we were in Hollywood, or maybe the worst thing possible is waiting for you like jagged rocks below. Are you with me? I guess we can all agree that at times marriage is all of those things at different stages in our relationship. Where are you? Where am I? Where do you want to be? For starters I think we can all be in agreement of some of the key elements that make a fantastic marriage. Being Chrissy and I have been married twenty-four years, we do have a lot of experience in many of the good, wonderful, exciting, awesome elements, of our fairy tale marriage. How in the world do we create a balance? How can two completely different people, share a life, a house, responsibilities, a bed, a toothbrush (yuke, NOT). LOL Just making sure you are all paying attention. Marriage is a compromise of 100/100, a team effort with a little extra added bonus. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Mark 10:7-9. We see that God was serious when He spoke of the union between a man and a woman.

Let us take a look at some part of this incredible union. These few thoughts and points aren't chosen in any particular order or for any particular reason; they are instead a bunch of random thoughts of almost two and half decades of being united in the marriage covenant. For starters and I think this happens in the pre-marriage stage that drives you to the altar; there has to be "Chemistry", y'all got to have the hots and desires to be together. Your mind, your heart your thoughts, your smiles, everything sparks when you see one another. The other person's heart, is the safest place your heart can be, no criticism, no judging and no rudeness. You love each others, smile, voice, eyes, walk, etc, etc, oh everything. So many of you know what I mean. Is she your princess, your hot mama, your baby-cakes? Is he is prince charming, man of your dreams, the rock you can always lean on? Such an incredible thought to consider: How do you see the one you love, the one right there next to you all the time, the one you share matching rings with? How many of us say the chemistry is gone? or How many say the chemistry has lightened up a great deal? or the ultimate, How many of us can say that the chemistry is a bonfire all the time? Love is fine indeed, but it takes two to keep the flames burning, if either one stops adding fire to the flames, the bonfire could turn into a block of ice. Chemistry can be also looked at as a mystery, because it has the power to make or break a relationship; and it isn't always understood. A very funny quote from Joan Crawford goes like this, "Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell." LOL

Here's something else we need to consider "Acceptance". Is she ok with you, and are you ok with him? That is so important to have that element between the both of you. We need to be able to look upon each other with so much love that in all things we accept the other person fully and completely. Yes we all change and the chemistry sometimes changes the acceptance. Time sags, wrinkles and blurs our surroundings. LOL. No offense, just thought that was a funny thought that just appeared in my thoughts as I was typing. Actually saying that has me thinking of "Humor" an absolutely incredibly important factor in a relationship. I know you all can appreciate that, boring people do not read my blog; I am a self proclaimed screw-ball, nut case. And I love it! Laughter with a little twist of humor makes us smile, and smiles bring joy to our hearts and our hearts love one another all the more. Incorporating "comedy" whether it be slap stick or a play with words, you can have so much fun. I can not see a day go by without laughter, and lots of it. Are you all with me on all these elements. I know many of you may have thought I was going to share lots of personal stuff; I promise I will. But it will all appear on the CNET Catholic webage; where I will have a daily column all about marriage called, "To Have And To Hold". I will share all the challenges, all the joys, all the disappointment's, all the excitement of twenty-four years together. And you will see how in the world we have made it this far.

This last paragraph will be a thought about "How Do We Stay In Love?" I say always love your spouse, Chrissy and I kiss and hug and really look at each other in a very special way every single day, no matter what is going on in our life. But, How can we overlook some of those things that we allow to annoy us? How do we desire that other person with the same passion we had the first time we kissed? Here's a most incredible very insightful thought said by Rabbi Barnett Bruckner's, "Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through becoming the right mate." Here are a couple of humorous quotes I'd like to share about marriage, ones that will make you laugh and make you smile.

"The Japanese have a word for it. It's Judo -- the art of conquering by yielding.The Western equivalent of judo is, 'Yes, dear.' "
J. P. McEvoy

"Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended."
Zsa Zsa Gabor

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
Rita Rudner

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
Rodney Dangerfield


"Be a best friend, Tell the truth, and Over use I Love You, Go to work - Do your best, Don't outsmart your common, Never let your praying knees get lazy, and LOVE LIKE CRAZY" Lee Brice - Love Like Crazy

Please don't forget to pray together in your marriage,
"Jesus, I trust in You."

Your brother in Christ Jesus & His Most Blessed Mother,
Jim (The Rosary Man) Dacey Jr SFO