Beads of Joy 05-12-10
Family Matters - Part 2
©2010 James Dacey, Jr. SFO
I hope this blog will help those of you; if you are experiencing challenges like we have in our private lives. We have been together 24 years, that's a lot of time, but when life threatening events arise, change always occur in all aspects of how you perceive things and each other. A scare like this changes people, changes attitudes, changes everything about everything. Life is no longer taken and treated like most people do, live a life around "your own selfish" needs, or live a life around "your own selfish" dislikes, or live a life around "your own selfish" complaints. Big time reality check in your face when things are like this in the center of your home, the center of your thoughts and the center of your family day to day. Our "relationship life" for the past 6-8 years has been rather challenging. And all of these challenges places a wedge between me and Chrissy. She was living her life and I was living mine. We shared the same address, we cared for the same kids. We have our own vehicles, our own accounts. And for the most part we shared the same bed but at different times of the day, and separate. This was the norm and I guess we accepted it as such. But you know I guess all drama, and serious situations change everything.
When something like this is put before you, you find in your heart a place to put all things a side and you try to solve whatever the problems are or is, or whatever. We are not in this life alone, we are all here together. I don't necessarily mean with a spouse, I mean as God's children. Yes there are times all of us can be indifferent and separation from one another is the best answer. But when life and death are on the table, there's a chemical in your body that kicks in, and literally changes all that. The only objective is to try and not have that other person suffer or even worse. So the compassionate person inside you, who you may have thought left, comes out and wishes to try to save that person suffering. I know what that feels like. I beg Jesus to take my life instead, tear out my lungs and give them to Chrissy. I wouldn't hesitate dying for her. She needs to be here for the children, she does not deserve to suffer like she is. This morning I let her sleep in, like I do on weeks I am on this earlier schedule. I get all the kids out for school. But this morning, you can hear her coughing and even struggling with her coughs. This is heartbreaking.
It maybe all me, I think I am really easy to live with, but who knows, maybe my habits are bad. We never fight or argue or yell. I just don't do that, it's just not me. Way back before all this, my kids use to ask me when their mom would get crazy about something and I wouldn't say or do anything; actually I just walked away. They use to ask me, "Dad, why don't you respond back or say something? why do you just walk away?" Then Chrissy would jump in and say, "Your dad always told me he'd never yell at me or be mean to me, so walking away is his way to just let it go, because he loves me too much to fight." And back then that's what always happened. I guess in time, maybe it was that non-response that widen the space between us. I don't really know. When someone (your spouses) life is possibly in the clutches of danger, you tend to spend much time pondering many things.
I pray that through all this maybe we as a community can grow from this. There are many in pain, and many who don't suffer in anyway, and just don't know or understand. No matter how bad your pain is, it isn't. Does that make sense? I hope it does, I know what I am trying to say. Prayer is our best tool to fight against and cope with challenges we have no control of. We must offer all this pain to our Lord, whether we are personally suffering or a loved one is. I am praying for all of you. Pain and suffering can be a blessing, if we suffer in union with Jesus.
Your brother in Christ Jesus & His Most Blessed Mother,
Jim (The Rosary Man) Dacey Jr SFO